Put Your Father on the Phone!

Ok, honey…would you put your father on the phone please?
Well I need to talk to him. Thanks honey.
OK, listen…I do this once a year…get it? I only ask for one night a year…one night. You get two weeks every November to go hunting. No one calls you looking for their left pink glove! Why can you not handle this crap? I do it 364 days a year…all I ask is that you do it for one.
OK…thank you…good bye.

Oh For God’s Sake!! I’m in the tub…what could possibly be important enough for you to call me again?
Well, I promise I can sew…I mean operate on Mr. Bear when I get home…just get Daddy to put a bandaid on for tonight and don’t put it…I mean him…down low enough for the dog to get him again, OK…he would probably be pretty tired after that incident anyway, so maybe the two of you should just go to bed. You know how when you’re sick, all you want to do is lay in bed? Well, I’m sure Mr. Bear feels the same way, and I promise he’ll be just fine til tomorrow, and you can help me operate on him then. I love you too. Now can I talk to your father again please?
I don’t care if she just pressed redial…you are supposed to be watching her! Good night! SLAM.

All I want to do is finish my bath and my book and my bottle of wine…yes, a whole bottle…who are you, AA? Finish my bath and my book and my bottle of wine and get a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I realize now that it is an impossible feat, not meant for mere mortals like me, but I would like to try anyway. So here we go one more time…the kids’ lunches are in the fridge. Please do not let them leave the house in the morning without them. Molly gets 2 stories after she brushes her teeth. She can wait up until Dylan is in bed with Mr. Bear…I will fix him tomorrow. Please do not attempt to sew him yourself. That will surely end in disaster, and I don’t know where we’ll find another one.
Then, dishes in the dishwasher…put the soap in and start it…normal wash…in the cupboard under the sink.
I don’t think that’s too much to ask…well wouldn’t you be snippy? It’s 7:00 and you have already called three times…I swear if this phone rings one more time, I’m not coming home ever again. I mean it. Yes, I do. Good night.
Room Service? Can I have another bottle of wine, and a club sandwich please…oh…and what kind of cheesecake do you have? OH, ok…great…two of those please